I'm so tired.
Tired of all of these people spouting advice at me and saying,
"It takes time, you'll be okay"
"Time will lessen the blow"
"It hurts less with time"
I know that. I know I know. I've already felt the affects of time,
on this, and more things than this.
"I've been there"
"I know how you feel"
If you did, you wouldn't give me advice.
You would know that all I want is to forget
about him and to change, everything, around me
to not reflect all these memories and moments
and have my furniture shout at me, "WADE
When I write, I write what I feel and then stop when I don't feel anything anymore.
The feeling, being it's sneaky little self, creeps up my back and into the back of my skull
and again, I feel it and I write.
It's a cycle.
A cycle that I can't "work the knots out of" or "re-write" because I'm not happy with the result.
The point is, when something I write flows, it's due to the fact that my thoughts flow. When I write something that catches every now and then, and sticks to itself in a not-so-attractive manner, it's because my thoughts were jumbled and sticky.
Maybe when you write you plan out elaborate stories and plant themes and you rhyme and everything is just so. And I'm not, believe me, saying it's a bad thing. It's not by any means, a bad thing. When I feel just so, I write just so. Perhaps you are always just so.
I'm not complaining (even if in the slightest way, I actually am), I appreciate your criticism.
But I don't want to re-write something that I felt. Ever.