but not but really but

I'm not so good at telling you how I do feel it.
But I am so so good at feeling it.

I think perhaps I've always needed something to define me,
and my problem at the moment is that I feel nothing and no one I'm involved which is worth my entire existence compacted into it.

Perhaps I was supposed to have reached this conclusion eons ago.
Perhaps I'm progressing slow-like.

Okay then.

Living like I'm living like I'm living in rehab.

Relapse, relapse, relapse. 

Please show me how to convey my ideas.

I have so many many many. 

At first it was bare and ripe for the picking -

my chest was pulsating under your weight you

stripped my heart like an exotic dancer would: 

all eyes and no hands. 

After the initial grasp, the puff puff pass and the

smiles exchanged between our legsarmslimbs and the

time it took to be rid of the excess skin crowding us in, 

we breathed in sweet, sweet fumes of spring and said

things kept in our mouths, light like ecstasy but 

heavier than the average promise. 

But the hours it took to argue the hunger away made our

heads ache and eventually our jaws could clench no longer, 

our eyes could see no more of each other - just smoke and

rubbish clouding our way - it was lost,

whatever it was, it

was lost. 

Take it, please.

I can write love poetry when I'm not in love with you.

(The secret is to be in love with everyone else.)

a nefarious dead-pan glance and

all I can think about is how I have

your favorite book tucked away, safe, 

because I want an excuse for my 

trembling hands and the constant

chugging of my mind at times, the ever-

present headache that originates in 

my stomach. I am hosting a 

cavernous black hole there 

that spreads it's lips 

wider and 

wider 

and

w   i     d             e             r

every day that washes over, 

leaving me a little paler a little thinner a 

little hungrier than 

before

I am s

         i

          n

            k

              i

               n

                 g.

This is how I say 'I love you'

I'll realize that I'm not the only person on earth - little by little.