Wednesday, March 30, 2011

the difference

I said 'best'
and then I realized.

You have never been
my 'best'
And you have never been your
You have been
and will keep on being
what you always were

a fair-

Saturday, March 26, 2011

raison d'ĂȘtre

Has it ever happened that
you were just too tired
to sleep?

Too tired as in so
think and do over
and re-think.

Piles of noodles replacing brain and
a heavy almost stinging in eyes
and ears are
hearing too
while you
like a real boy
and wish you were wooden
so your arms
would stop moving
and eyelids would

At first an empty vastness of dark
then a line emerges there,
another and more with different shades
and dimensions.

Seeing what you don't
when your eyes
are shut.
Memories like memories
that you want to forget
you want to
forget because
they make you feel..
and keep feeling

And memories like
and your
sideways and
view of
the world and people and me and

you need
something else in your life
besides the idea
that you
are the best thing
since Elvis.

Elvis was on his worst days
as you are on your best.

am not

I am tired.
And I want you to know that
you meant,
a lot to me.

But I know where you are
and I'm just
not there

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Ideas ideas
and running
here, there
before it's

And I get delayed
by people traffic,
car traffic
mind traffic

Buzzing by
bursting through
car doors
front doors
back doors
bedroom doors
and in
Who just so happens
to have an appointment
at two o'clock,
we have to
make this

This is the saddest thing.

"Omg, Bachelor drama?! As a side note, Japan is falling apart."

Thank you, Sarah, for sharing this.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

POV gun

You kept trying
to make me
but I assure you, I
have 20/20 vision
without your specs
and I
exactly what you can.

So you tried to make me

Always standing a tad taller,
just a
barely noticeable
but an eye-strain

But I reached my arms
my head and
fooled you
into thinking
that I am as tall
as I wish I was.

Your point of
view is
a bullet
and mine

Saturday, March 19, 2011

It's late and I should be sleeping but..

My eyes are falling
asleep for me,
and my brain has decided to buzz
and keep on
buzzing buzzing
and then softly humming
to me.

I'm wandering and I wonder if
the wandering should
so I can wonder a

There's no one here to
any part
of me.

So, I am not
lonely, I am

There is a
difference, my friend and
can take that
to the

Friday, March 18, 2011

I cried.

This is by far the most wonderful and lovely and touching and deserved kiss on network television ever.

Isn't that beautiful?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Kinky Friedman, I salute you.

just maybe I'm
a tad sensitive to things
that are
for lack of a better word,

Things of the past, the present
and the past

I am, believe it or not
under the impression that
the past is past
and the future
is riding up your ass
maybe everything
is okay.
And really was all okay
and will be okay.

So okay. Alright.

But that doesn't explain why
all these things
nearly haunt me.

"Nostalgia is a symptom of illness in an individual or a society."

Maybe nostalgia is a thing to be avoided.

For all nostalgia gets you is a night alone under a red blanket with a head full of wishes and yearnings that,
let's sunny-side-up this thing,
are past.
And aren't coming back for seconds on the cheesecake.

There might be similar experiences,
but you have to admit to yourself that
you will never
have the same day you had
today and the day before

So nostalgia has been glorified
under false pretenses.

Unless of course,
my definition of nostalgia
and yours
hit heads.

if you really wanna,
if you're really committed to
this idea of being happy then
forget regrets
and nostalgia
and the past.

We all move in our own way,
but we're all heading
dead straight
for the same place.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


It had been a week and
money hadn't been an issue for me,
but you'd gotten your
fair share
of shit from the world.

So I drove from Ohio to St. Louis,
tried to make it all the way
but a grand storm
seemed to
present itself
in the nick of time
for me to sit
and wait
in Denny's.
Nursing a slow cup of coffee
and a scathed sense of hope

There was an old couple
that didn't look at each other
the entire
they ate.
They ate apart
while they were together.

And a lady and her son,
the son giving me looks now and again,
watching a teenage girl watch him.
And the lady stared at him across her plate,
I can only assume she thought,
"What am I doing?"
along the lines of

I can

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

and I wish I'd written it.

I love you and I miss you all the time

all of those douglas firs,
trains, transformers, bluebirds.
anxious and my o.c.d.
cereal, atomic energy
and all the answers to everything;

tesla coils, decaffeinated tea
so much more put together than me.

the interstates and, the difference in weather;

I'm so glad you're there to put all my pieces back together.

-Jesse Kurvink

Sunday, March 6, 2011

living IS

When there's an edge in the conversation,
when you now exactly what is bothering both parties,
and you know there's no resolving it,
no getting over it either..

What can you do but
have an angry,
and loving
throw down?


These days, saying your in love is almost
like saying, "I don't need love."
in the 20's.

Can't a girl be in love without the hate?

Saying I need to 'find' myself before
I can be with anyone else has
no effect.

I know myself pretty well and
though I am far from what I could be
and ions away from adulthood,
I can tell you that

that I make mistakes
one or either of us
could want out of this at some point..
but my point, good lady
is that I can do
what I want.

So, I can be in love.
Without wanting to stop living for myself.

I like a Pink song

am so unbelievably thankful.
I wish I deserved all of this,
but I don't and
I got to thinking..
what do I deserve then?

Is it true that everyone deserves happiness?
But..what if happiness isn't what they want?

Someone once told me that
life was not about being happy,
but being exactly who you are,
and feeling exactly how you feel.

But I ask you,
wouldn't you want to be the best version of
yourself and isn't
that version

True enough that there would not be happiness
every other emotion,
but why can't happiness
take the cake?
Would that make a glutton out of
the happy ones?

All I know is that underneath emotion,
we must have a base.
Things are either going to be okay,
or they aren't.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

sometimes, I travel to you

Doing something that
you know is wrong,

Not anything like drugs or sex or partying out until 4am,
those are all choices.
If you don't think something is wrong,
it isn't.
Because in the long run?
Only your opinion matters.

But when you do something that you
will not accomplish anything,
Not even a selfish feeling of worth on the subject,
it is un-gratifying and hurtful.

Anger is not an excuse.
You never really have an excuse when
you do something
against you own
judgment and
gut feeling.

And I just made a mistake.
I am human but

I am also just a girl,
standing in front of a boy
asking him
to love her.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

what are waiting rooms made for?

Not for me.
Not for hospitals.


Temporarily, you'll be living.
And some believe, temporarily,
you'll be dead.

Temporarily I'll be young and maybe sometime in there I'll be free,
and maybe sometime I'll go through a lot of pain.
I've got demons. But nothing I can't handle, you know?
Nothing that everyone else hasn't handled before me.
I'll have help, maybe.
I know you love me and he and she love me and they all love me,
but damn it if everything doesn't feel so incredibly
all the time.

I know and people have told me that I must enjoy things while they last.
I do. Believe you me, I very much love life and my own.

But after all of the temporary thrills and kills in this life,
it is so ridiculously fulfilling to have one that feels just the least bit constant.

And it's very difficult to not wish that everything felt as
as that one relationship.
That everyone felt as committed to me
as I do
to them.

I realize how unrealistic it is.
And how this temporariness outlook can be applied positively.
And also that I have my own faults in this area.

It's just something to complain about really.